Yugioh, what they really say
by Yugi Marik
Summary: Warning- teens might die from too much laughter. While avoiding the threat of Mokuba's "pizza attacks", Seto Kaiba throws a tournament to obtain the Egyptian God Cards, but all ends in humorous tragedy.
1. Pizza Attack

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!! Wish I did though...  
  
Hope you enjoy the story! 'Wandering Indigo Fire' is my older sister and has made a reference to this story in one of her a/n.  
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Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 1: Pizza Attack  
  
Seto Kaiba was a seventeen year-old boy with brown hair and a lot of money. He owned Kaiba Corp, by the way.   
  
It was early June, school had just ended, and Seto was thinking of how mighty and powerful he was. He would occasionally yell to one of his workers, "Hey! You bitch! Get off your lazy ass and work!" or "Get the hell up, you sorry, no-good, shit head!"   
  
The only people he was nice to was his girlfriend and his little twelve year-old brother, Mokuba Kaiba.   
  
Anyway, he was sitting quietly at his desk, counting all of his Blue-Eyes White Dragons when a noise from outside in the hall startled him; an odd noise, somewhere between a hiss and a whisper.   
  
He ignored it and idly ate some pizza he had ordered earlier. Nothing to worry about.   
  
"F. F. F."   
  
That same noise occurred again. Feeling a little annoyed, he got up and yelled, "Whose there?"   
  
"F. F. F. F."   
  
Seto sat down and decided it was just the air-conditioning outside his office.   
  
"F. Fu. F. Fu." The noise was nearer now.   
  
"WHO IN THE WORLD?!" Seto roared, but a scratching sound on his door shut him up.   
  
"Who-who's there?" Seto said.   
  
"Fuc. Fu-ck. Fuc."   
  
"No." Seto whispered, "Not my pizza!"   
  
But it was too late, his door creeped open with the same sound, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"   
  
Seto's pupils went wide as he shakily stood-up, using the chair as a support. "Go away!" He cried, backing into the wall behind his desk.   
  
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" The door opened all the way and Seto's little brother, Mokuba came in slowly, his eyes also wide.   
  
Seto's hands and face were sweating, he started to twitch, "Wha-what do- do y-you w-want?"   
  
"Fuck! Pizza! Now! Fuck!" Mokuba walked closer across the room towards his older brother.   
  
Seto began to twitch more badly, he couldn't close his eyes against the horror that awaited him.   
  
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"   
  
"No, please no." Seto whispered.   
  
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"   
  
"AHHH! HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Seto grabbed his pizza box of his desk and hurled it across the room, then jumped out of the window.   
  
Mokuba's purplish eyes gleamed; he will return.  
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--TBC--  
  
Please R&R 


	2. The Lawn

Disclaimer: Haven't I told you? I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!!!  
  
Hope you like it so far!  
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Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 2: The Lawn  
  
Joey Wheeler was a boy of sixteen with blonde hair almost as big as his ego. Today, he was out on his lawn, thinking.   
  
"Hey! Joey!" One of Joey's friends, Tristan Taylor, ran up to him.   
  
Joey turned slowly. "Did I give you permission to be on my fucking lawn, bitch?"   
  
"Dear God, what has gotten into you?" Tristan started to back away.   
  
"OFF! OFF! OFF!" Joey shrieked at Tristan, who by the way has dark brown hair and brown eyes.   
  
He ran Tristan off and grinned evil-like, his blonde hair flying about; his lawn.   
  
"Hi!" Tea Gardner, (same age as Joey and Tristan), said with her shoulder length straight brown hair also flying around. She hopped over Joey's two-foot white wooden fence with ease.   
  
"GET OFF MY FUCKING LAWN!" Joey roared.   
  
Tea, horrified, ran off.   
  
His lawn.   
  
Duke Devlin, champion dice roller, walked over and cleared Joey's fence. "What's up, Joey?" he asked.   
  
"OFF! OFF! OFF!"   
  
"What?" Duke asked, confused, his green eyes shining in the early morning sun.   
  
"MY LAWN!" Joey yelled. "OFF! You piece of shit!"   
  
Duke ran off; his lawn.   
  
"What's wrong?" Serenity, Joey's little sister, came out onto their lawn. She was fourteen with long reddish hair.   
  
"My lawn." Joey said sheepishly.  
"Well, that's now excuse to be to Tristan, Tea, and Duke like that!" She snapped.   
  
"I love my lawn." Joey whined.   
  
"Go inside, Joey Wheeler!" Serenity said sternly.   
  
Joey hung his head and pouted.   
  
"My lawn, my lawn, my lawn." Joey went back inside and left the confused Serenity alone on the lawn.   
  
Serenity searched the lawn for something that could make Joey act like that, but to no success.   
  
Tristan came back after checking that Joey was gone. "What's wrong with Joey?" He asked the girl that he was in love with.   
  
Serenity turned slowly. "Did I give you permission..."   
  
Bakura had placed a curse on the lawn.  
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TBC  
  
Please review! I hope you all found this chapter funny, but the chapters ahead are definitely funnier! 


	3. You lik'em doncha?

Disclaimer: I've given up my hopes for owning "Yu-Gi-Oh"  
  
Please enjoy this chapter; I had fun writing it!  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 3: "You lik'em doncha?"  
  
Mai Valentine (eighteen years-old) walked along the city streets of Domino, California, where all of the friends lived  
  
Her long, wavy blonde hair wasn't helping the glare of the 9:00 am sun as she strolled happily down the sidewalk.  
  
She passed Serenity holding Joey still by their house as he apologized about something to Tristan, Tea, and Duke.  
  
She made her way to Kaiba Corp so they could fix her C.D. player she bought from them a week ago. As she stopped in front of the huge building, she saw a shape fly out of the top sixtieth floor!  
  
"Holy shi-"Mai began, then stopped when young fifteen year-old Yugi Moto ran up and used the power of his Millennium Puzzle to save the falling shape.  
  
The shape floated down as Tea ran up to them. The shape turned out to be Seto Kaiba!  
  
"Shit!" Tea complained, "You should've let him fall!"  
  
Seto stared at her.  
  
"What happened to you?" Yugi asked.  
  
"None of your fucking business!" Seto snarled, getting control of himself again.  
  
Mai and Tea sensed they weren't wanted, so they left to find the others.  
  
"Hmph." Seto hmphed, then he went back inside to his work.  
  
"You are welcome." Yugi frowned, then he left to go back home.  
  
"HMPH! HMPH! HMPH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Mai snorted as she walked with Tea back to the Wheeler's house.  
  
"What's up?" Tea asked, a little concerned.  
  
"That Joey! He broke my C.D. player!" Mai growled.  
  
"You lik'em doncha?" Tea teased.  
  
Mai turned bright red. "I DO NOT!"  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"NO, I DON'T!"  
  
"YES, you DO!"  
  
"You girls talking about me?" Joey Wheeler was done apologizing and ran up to the two arguing girls.  
  
"Yes we are." Tea said.  
  
"No we aren't."  
  
"Yes we are!"  
  
"No we aren't!"  
  
"YES WE ARE!"  
  
"NO WE AREN'T!"  
  
"Ohhh, you are!" Joey said happily, "I feel so loved!" A second later: BAM! Then "Owww."  
  
Joey had run into a pole. 


	4. Destruction

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, dammit!!!  
  
This chapter is especially funny! Please enjoy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 4: Destruction  
  
"Hee-hee-hee," the white, longhaired Ryou Bakura ran into the middle of the street and faced an oncoming car.  
  
"Kazaam!" He cried, thrusting his hands forward. The car stopped in its tracks and was set to fire!  
  
"HAH HAH HAH!" Bakura cackled evilly, running away from some policemen who were now following him.  
  
He got bored of that game and turned around quickly, "Abrakadabra!"  
  
The policemen flew into the air, and were whisked away! Bakura ran on, laughing.  
  
He stopped in front of Joey Wheeler's lawn and yelled, "Aina Joey Doofu!"  
  
Joey's lawn lit-up a bright green, then returned to normal after a second.  
  
Bakura ran quickly after he noticed Joey step out of the house onto the lawn.  
  
On his way, Bakura blew-up two buildings and an old factory.  
  
Suddenly, he stopped; Duke was walking his German Shepherd! He walked calmly up to the sixteen-year-old with black hair in a ponytail.  
  
"What's up dude?" Duke asked.  
  
"You are, Dice Boy!" Bakura said in an evil voice.  
  
"Eeeeeeee!" Duke yelled, then he was tossed aside.  
  
"HAH! HAH! HAH!" Bakura blew all the windows out of a string of houses, then split the street in half behind him.  
  
"HA HA HA HA BLAH HACK HOEY!" Bakura was laughing a little too much!  
  
"What are you doing here, dweeb?" Seto asked coolly, walking up to the insane Bakura, "Damn you, white haired freak!"  
  
"Same question!" Bakura shot back, he threw up his hands, which glowed a light-blue, and chanted, "Hao Kaiba haoy!"  
  
"Ahhhhhhhh!" Kaiba yelled, Bakura froze him and slammed him back down to the ground three times before continuing his rampage.  
  
Suddenly, he stopped and saw a police car, with two cops inside chasing after a speeding woman in a Honda.  
  
"DIE, foolish mortals! Leave that woman inside that car alone!" Bakura roared, blowing the police car up and killing the cops inside!  
  
Bakura ran on and split four houses in half on his way. A little ways north, he ran into Yugi Moto and Tristan Taylor!  
  
"Hey Bakura!" Yugi said, waving.  
  
"AHH HAH HAH!" Bakura roared, blowing both boys aside, then he ran on, cackling madly.  
  
Yugi got up and went over to a dazed Tristan. "You ok?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Yeah," Tristan agreed shakily, "Little fucker."  
  
"He set my lawn on fire!" An angry Tea ran up to the pissed-off boys, "Stupid shit-head!"  
  
"He seriously needs to get rid off that Millennium Ring," Yugi sighed, watching the mad Bakura blow up a street of cars to either side of him.  
  
What the friends didn't know, however, was that Bakura wasn't wearing his Millennium Ring at this time!   
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--TBC--  
  
R&R if you like!   
  
(It actually was the seemingly innocent Bakura, not Yami Bakura, destroying everything! Guess he's not so innocent anymore!) 


	5. Pikachu

Disclaimer: I still do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, dang-it!  
  
This one is a little strange.  
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Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 5: Pikachu  
  
After the first day of summer vacation, it was hectic, so Joey Wheeler got early on the second day to go explore the woods by his house.  
  
He entered the dense forest and walked a little ways. After a few minutes, he stopped and listened to some wild birdcalls and studied some plants.  
  
He walked a little more and then stopped again, he just heard something rustle in the bushes beside him!  
  
Joey whipped out his sketchpad to draw whatever it was and stood stock still, waiting.  
  
Suddenly, a noise startled him, "Pika!"  
  
'Cool!' Joey thought, 'Maybe it's a wild crocodile!'  
  
"Pika!" It moved again, this time closer to the unsuspecting boy.  
  
"Chu Chu!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The thing making all the noise came into view, three feet away from Joey.  
  
"What the fuc-," Joey began, but got out his camera instead to show Yugi that he had found a real wild Pikachu!  
  
The yellow mouse came closer to Joey sniffing the air.  
  
"Come here, cutie." Joey said, holding out his hand.  
  
"Chuuuuu!" the mouse-like thing yelled, blasting Joey with a bolt of electricity!  
  
"Owww," Joey mumbled, fried. He sat down and decided to talk the Pikachu into coming closer. "Come here, I won't hurt you." Joey said.  
  
"Pika?" The Pikachu asked, looking at the boy.  
  
"Come here, you little rat..."  
  
"Pikachuueeeerrr..."  
  
"Son of a bitch! Come here now! HA! CAUGHT YA!" Joey grabbed the creeping one foot tall mouse by its tail; big mistake!  
  
"CHU!" The Pikachu reached around and bit the hand that was annoying it.  
  
"OW! STUPID RAT!"  
  
"Chu." BZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!  
  
The mouse got pissed off and zapped Joey hard with all of its electricity!  
  
Suddenly, "DAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNGGGGEEEERRR!" A normal, good Bakura leapt out of the surrounding growth like a cat and yelled, "Pikajablooey!"  
  
Joey's camera clicked at the same instant the yellow mouse blew up.  
  
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--TBC-- 


	6. Pizza Attack 2

Disclaimer: Still don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. You know, it can get boring saying this a lot of times.  
  
Watch for Mokuba...  
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Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 6: Pizza Attack #2  
  
That same morning, up in Kaiba Corp, unsuspecting Seto Kaiba worked at his desk.  
  
His attention wasn't distracted by the pitiful wails from Joey Wheeler as Bakura blew up his fake, robotic Pikachu. He wanted him to suffer!  
  
Suddenly, he heard a slight noise that disturbed his perfect early afternoon, "D. D. D. D."  
  
Seto ignored it, 'Damn air conditioner,' he thought as he worked.  
  
"D. D. D. D. D. D."  
  
"Hmmm," Seto got up and checked the hallway outside of his office. He didn't see anything, but outside the hallway window, he saw Tea screaming at Yugi to put her lawn's fire out with his Millennium Puzzle, which wasn't working because the spirit of the puzzle, Yami Yugi, was having a cup of tea with a golden brick.  
  
"So, what do you do all day? I fight Yugi's duels and give that stupid kid advice." Yami said, taking a sip. The brick remained motionless.  
  
Seto went back to his desk and continued to work, thinking of all 3,452 Blue Eyes White Dragons he had.  
  
"Da. Da. Da."  
  
"Who's there?" Seto said.  
  
A mouse creeped in and scared the shit out of Seto, "Aiiiiiiiieeeeeee!" He screamed like a girl.  
  
"Ha, just a mouse, hee-hee," Seto whimpered, climbing on top of his desk.  
  
"Damn! Damn! Damn!"  
  
"Wha-Wha-What do y-y-you ww-w-want?"  
  
"To dieee." An evil voice from outside whispered.  
  
"Go away!" Seto sobbed.  
  
"Dieee!"  
  
"Noooooooo!"  
  
"Dieeeee!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NOOOOO!" Seto screamed. Sweating and twitching, he turned, ran for the window, and hurled himself out of it again.  
  
Mokuba stepped out from the hall into Seto's room, sniffing the air for pizza. When he couldn't smell anything, he hissed and whispered evilly, "I'll be back, Seto, since you have no pizza!"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --  
  
TBC  
  
Yugi Marik here! I have definitely changed my outlook on Mokuba since I wrote this story. Now, whenever I eat pizza, I look around first to make sure that I'm not being watched. 


	7. Imitations

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, never will. The pizza plot is mine though.  
  
Good chapter here everyone!   
-----------------------------------------------------  
Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 7: Imitations  
  
Tea rolled her blue eyes at Joey.  
  
"Hey! An imitation of Kaiba!" Joey said. Then he flapped his arms and ran around in a circle, clucking like a distressed chicken.  
  
"Get real!" Mai yelled from a branch of a tall tree nearby.  
  
"Now Yugi!" Joey yelled. He saw a bright glowing rock and held it up to his chest, "Yuuuuuuu-Giiiiiiiiii-Ohhhhhhhhhhh!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
Tristan and Duke fell out of Mai's tree, laughing.  
  
"Yugiii-ohh-hoo-hah-happ-y," they cried.  
  
Yugi rolled his eyes. "An imitation of Joey: DUH? DUUUH?" He said dumbly.  
  
Mai and Serenity had tears in their eyes, and Tea was choking on hers.  
  
"Now: Mai!" Joey said, "Oh, like this, like that, oh-those pants look great on me don't they? Oh-what about these shoe-," Joey began, but Mai silenced him by punching him on top of his head.  
  
"I've got to go pay the firemen for putting my lawn's fire out," Tea said, hopping down from the tree, "Bye guys!"  
  
Everyone said goodbye while Duke started an imitation of Mokuba, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Give me pizza!"  
  
On her way home, through the afternoon of the second day of summer vacation, Tea ran most of the way. When she got to her house, she paid the firemen and started on her way to find Bakura.  
  
It didn't take long; she just followed the screams.  
  
Bakura was splitting a car in two as Tea tapped him on the shoulder, "Yo! White-ass hair!"  
  
Bakura turned around and faced the angry Tea Gardner, "What do you want, mortal?"  
  
"To stop setting my lawn on fire! This is the third time this week, freak!"  
  
"Go away, I'm looking for more policemen to blow-up," Bakura said.  
  
"THERE ARE NO MORE POLICEMEN!" Tea roared in his ear.  
  
"ow," Bakura mumbled, "That kinda hurt."  
  
"GO HOME!" Tea said.  
  
"Please, can I blow-up this last car?" Bakura pleaded.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"please?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"please?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"PUUULLEEESSE?"  
  
"NO! NO! NO!" Tea yelled so loud that Bakura was blown right over.  
  
Bakura hung his head and walked home, pouting.  
  
Meanwhile, Mokuba was watching the pizza man across town with gleaming, hungry eyes. -------------------------------------------------------------  
  
TBC  
  
Yugi Marik here again! WATCH OUT FOR MOKUBA!!! 


	8. The Woods

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. How many times do I have to say it?  
  
Sorry Seto fans, but he does get picked on a lot in this story.  
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Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 8: The Woods  
  
Seto Kaiba ran though the woods, crying like a little girl that night.  
  
"Where-where-where-," Seto panted, running blindly through the dense growth.  
  
"Leave me alone!" He screamed. He ran straight through vines, thorns, branches, and water.  
  
"No-no-no-," he said. He heard a sound behind him and screamed, "Aiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!"  
  
He ran for a long time, stumbling over roots, sticks, and rocks. He cried, he sobbed, and fell.  
  
"PLEASE!" Seto yelled, "Please go away!"  
  
His clothes were torn, his legs stiff and sore, his breath coming in short gasps.  
  
The noise seemed to close in on all sides of Seto as he began to slow down.  
  
Seto fell over a huge tree root and didn't get up. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed.  
  
---  
  
Later, Mokuba joined up with Yugi, Joey, Mai, Duke, Serenity, and Tristan that night.  
  
"What's up?" Yugi asked.  
  
Mokuba seemed excited. "Just playing with my older brother, Seto." He answered simply. -----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
--TBC-- 


	9. The Shoebox

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
Remember, when Yami is talking, only Yugi can hear him, no one else. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 9: The Shoebox  
  
The next day, Yugi sat in a circle beside all of his friends in Domino Park.  
  
"Ok! Truth or Dare?" Mokuba asked.  
  
"Uhhhhhhhhh, truth!" Yugi said to the little boy that morning.  
  
"Ok, do you like Tea?" Mokuba asked.  
  
Tea glared at Mokuba, but listened, interested.  
  
'Hmmm, no.' Yugi thought. Suddenly, a voice yelled indignantly, "Yes, you do!"  
  
"No I don't!" Yugi said out-loud, turning beet red.  
  
Duke had a confused look. Everyone else looked at Yugi with concern.  
  
"You know it! Just face the facts! You LOVE her!" It was Yami Yugi from inside the Puzzle!  
  
"Excuse me, Egypt boy, I DO NOT!"  
  
"Ummmm, Yugi?" Mai asked.  
  
"Say it! Or I'll pull a Seto Kaiba on you!" Yami threatened.  
  
"Just try it! You're all alone inside a puzzle! You have no friends!" Yugi continued to yell out-loud.  
  
"Yes I do!" Yami yelled.  
  
While Yugi argued with himself, the others looked at him, scared. Then they snuck away without him noticing.  
  
"FINE! I'll make you admit it later!" Yami said.  
  
"Fine!" Yugi went home and found a shoebox. He took off the Puzzle and placed it inside the shoebox.  
  
"Now, that's better." Yugi said. He put the shoebox on the floor and sat on it.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
--TBC-- 


	10. The Puzzle

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! DAMMIT!  
  
Yami and Yugi, love is forever.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)  
  
Chapter 10: The Puzzle  
  
"Please let me out Yugi! I'll do your dishes! Your laundry!" Yami pleaded from inside the puzzle, which was still in the shoebox that morning.  
  
"No! You freaked my friends out! I don't like you anymore! You're not my favorite anymore!" Yugi said, sitting on the shoebox even harder.  
  
"Pleeeeaase," Yami said sarcastically, "But wait! Who is your favorite now?"  
  
"That's none of your business!" Yugi blushed.  
  
"Oh," Yami said mysteriously, "It's Tea isn't it?"  
  
"No!" Yugi blushed a bright red.  
  
"Oh it is! You lik'er don'cha?"  
  
"No! I DO NOT!"  
  
"Oh please; then who is your favorite?" Yami asked.  
  
"NOT YOU!"  
  
"I think it's Tea! No, wait! Serenity!"  
  
"Aiieeeee!" Yugi actually screamed, "No way!"  
  
"Then let me out, or I'll tell everyone what a hideous lie you've bestowed upon yourself!" Yami threatened.  
  
"NO, YOU WOULDN'T!"  
  
"Yes I would."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NOOOOO!" Yugi screamed, "No! No! No!"  
  
"Oh, I see, dear Yugi, it's definitely Mai!"  
  
"Noooo-ooo," Yugi sobbed.  
  
"Yes!" Yami said menacingly.  
  
"Nooo-ooo-oooo!" Yugi cried out.  
  
"YOU LOVE HER! YOU LOVE ALL OF THEM! HAAA! HAA! HAAAA!" Yami cackled, which was muffled because of the shoebox.  
  
Yugi started to cry and rolled across the floor, grasping his head as if in pain.  
  
"Yes! Yes! Say it!" Yami roared.  
  
"I'll pull a Seto Kaiba on you NOW!" Yugi yelled. He stood up real fast and pulled the puzzle out of the shoebox. He ran to the window of his second story room they were in, and held the puzzle by its chain out the window.  
  
"Nooooo!" Yami cried, "NOT A SETO KAIBA! NOOOOOO!"  
  
"Shut up you fool!" Yugi cackled, "I'm in control now!"  
  
"Please don't, I'll fight your duel monster games for you!"  
  
"YOU DO FIGHT MY DUELS FOR ME, YOU LITTLE PARASITE!" Yugi roared, hurling the puzzle across town.  
  
"NOOOOOoooooooooooo..." Yami Yugi's voice echoed as he learned how to fly.  
  
--------------  
  
Meanwhile, across town, Joey Wheeler was walking with Ryou Bakura on the sidewalk.  
  
"Don't worry Joey, the yellow mouse will be ok." Bakura said.  
  
"No-sniff-he-sniff-won't," Joey sobbed, "I-sob-sob-didn't mean to!"  
  
"No, Joey, I did it. And the Domino City's vet will take care of it; the yellow mouse is sharing a room with Tea's cat, Fluffy." Bakura said with his arm wound around Joey's shoulders.  
  
"Oh-sniff," Joey said, regaining himself, "I suppose he will be fine!"  
  
Joey clinched his fists and yelled to the sky, "Give me a sign that the yellow mouse will be alright!"  
  
"Yugggiiiiiiiii!" Yami's voice from inside the puzzle yelled as it flew straight into Joey's forehead.  
  
"OOOWWW!" Joey fell to the ground, knocked out.  
  
"Hmmmmm," Bakura snuck over to the puzzle, all alone, with no one to defend it.  
  
"HA HA HA HA!" Bakura's evil side took over; "I have three Millennium Items now! HA HA HA!" Then Bakura ran off, cackling madly, with the puzzle!  
  
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--TBC--  



	11. 7 Days

Disclaimer: I still don't freakin' own Yu-Gi-Oh.

This chapter is hilarious!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yu-Gi-Oh (what they really say)

Chapter 11: 7 Days

Seto sat at his desk at the usual 28th floor of Kaiba Corp the morning of the seventh day of summer vacation, listening to Mokuba watch a pizza commercial.

A few minutes later, Mokuba jumped up and down on the couch he was sitting on and yelled, "Hey Seto, that new Egyptian Exhibit in the Domino Museum is up!"

"Like I'm interested." Seto said dully.

"But...it's interesting," Mokuba said.

"RING! RING! RING!" Seto's phone rang.

Seto was about to pick it up, but Mokuba started to cry, "Please! Seto! It might have free pizza! Please just watch!" Mokuba began to sob.

"RING! RING! RING!"

'Errrrrr...' Seto thought.

"Please-sob-pizza!"

"RING! RING! RING!"

'Phone, Mokuba? Phone, Mokuba? Phone, Mokuba?' Seto thought frantically.

"BOO-HOO!"

"RING! RING! RING!"

'Phone, Mokuba? Phone, Mokuba? Phone, Mokuba? Mokuba, phone?'

"Eerrrrr...ummm...?!" Seto said, starting to sweat.

"AHHHH! SCREW IT!" Seto picked up the phone, "Hello, Kaiba residence."

Mokuba threw his head into the couch pillow and began to bawl.

"Seven days," a mysterious voice whispered on the phone.

"HOLY SHIT!" Seto chunked the phone across the room, accidentally hitting Mokuba in the head.

"Hello? Seto Kaiba? It's Ishizu Ishtar, please come to my new Egyptian Exhibit at the Domino Museum; I have a special offer for you, and for Christ's sake, give the boy some pizza!" an indignant voice said from the phone.

"Dooo-assss-sheee-saaayysss," Mokuba said, but his brother was gone!

"Drip-drip-drip"

Mokuba turned his head to the source of the noise and said, "Uhh, Seto? The TV's leaking!"

Indeed the TV was leaking water!

Suddenly, a voice yelled, "Jesus Christ, boy, I'll give you seven freakin' days to get the Hell outta here before I go over there and kill the shit out of you!"

"WAAIIT FOOOR MEEEEE!" Pizzaboy screamed.

Mokuba meet Seto outside as he was getting into his expensive car. The two boys arrived at the museum about 15 minutes later.

Ishizu met them outside of the museum and said calmly, "Nice to see you, Seto Kaiba, leave the little Kaiba inside the vehicle."

They, Seto and Mokuba, actually obeyed the Egyptian woman!

"Follow me," Ishizu said to Seto. They walked inside all the way to the Egyptian Exhibit, which was blocked out for Seto's visit.

Ishizu led Seto to a huge slab of rock hanging in glass on the wall, there were at least 20 of them, all with inscriptures in them.

Ishizu told a little history about each, but when she came to the last one, she stopped and faced the bored Seto. "Do you see the hot guy on the right and the ugly guy on the left, Seto?" Ishizu asked, nodding to this slab.

"Uhhh, yeah."

"Well, they were in a war...BLAH...BLAH...BLAH," Ishizu explained what the Pharaoh (hot guy) and the evil sorcerer (ugly guy) were doing. (A/n: If you haven't seen the cartoon, then don't freakin' read this story!)

"And," Seto asked, "what about this card that can beat Exodia?"

"In a minute," Ishizu said, "But the hot guy you see here is the spirit of Yugi's Millennium Puzzle!"

"You mean Bambi, errrr, Yami?"

"Yeah."

"Then who is the 'ugly guy'?"

"That's you Kaiba!"

"YO MAMA!" With that, Seto stalked out of the room.

"WAIT! You forgot the Egyptian God Card I'm letting you borrow for the tournament you are going to throw!"

"You mean Hobolisk the Hormento?"

"'Yo Mama.' " Ishizu said huffily. (Then she showed Seto images from the past, gave him the card, and told him to throw the tournament to get the other two Egyptian God Cards back.)

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Heya People! Wuzz up? Tell me what cha think please!


	12. Yami Garner Teak

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.**

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**Chapter 12: Yami Garner Teak**

"After him!" Yugi yelled! He, Mai, Serenity, Tea, Duke, Joey, and Tristan were all chasing Bakura across town, trying to get Yugi's puzzle back.

"Just try it! Foolish mortals!" Bakura cackled as he ran full speed down the highway, blasting cars that got in his way.

Tristan and Duke left to go get their motorcycles while Joey went to go get his pick-up truck from 'the lawn'.

Yugi was running slower than the others were, for he had short legs.

"I'm going to get my car!" Mai yelled, running to her house.

"Run! Faster Yugi!" Serenity yelled back to Yugi.

"I'm-going-as-fast-as-I-can!" Yugi gasped.

Bakura blew up a near-by pizza stand **(HELLO! FORESHADOWING HERE!)** and seventeen cars and trucks that were parked in front of him.

"Come back here you little shit!" Tea yelled, "Screw-you-you-little…"

"Don't start that!" Duke and Tristan rode up. Tristan let Serenity ride with him and duke took Tea.

"HEEEEEEY! YUUUUU-GIIII-OOOOH-MY-CRAP!" Joey blasted full speed down the highway, and in doing so, hit Yugi!

Yugi flew 20 feet to the left and 13 feet to the right, going at least sixty miles an hour!

Joey stopped his truck to receive poor Yugi, then they hopped back into the truck, and Joey still drove because Yugi's legs were still too short to reach the pedals.

Mai zoomed in her little convertible and succeeded in hitting a parked van!

"Stupid baka-na baka-yherro," she cursed.

"It's up to us now," Tristan yelled to Duke; he nodded and they went eighty down the freeway after the mad Bakura.

"Piece of shit!" Joey cursed at his truck when it hit a fire hydrant, stopping him and Yugi!

"Dukeabloom!" Bakura spun around and lifted Duke and Tea off the motorcycle, and whisked them away! The motorcycle blew up two seconds later.

"Hee-Hee-Ha!" Bakura turned around again and faced the oncoming Tristan and Serenity. He put the Millennium Puzzle around his neck and yelled, "BAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUR-AAAAAA!" Ryou Bakura changed a whole lot. He now wore Yami's clothing and boots. He had white and blonde locks of hair for bangs and Yami's purple and black hair in the back. Both eyes were like Yami Bakura's, whom he was when the chase started.

"Now I'm Yami Bakurmi! HA-HA-HA," he cackled, facing Tristan and Serenity.

"You're in for it," Tristan yelled; he clinched his fists and ran straight for the new Yami Bakurmi, jumping of his motorcycle.

Bakurmi raised a tan colored hand and threw it to his left. Tristan was like a voo-du doll of Bakurmi's left hand; he was tossed aside like a rag-doll!

Tea stepped up after recovering from her little ordeal.

"Now it is your turn, foolish girl!" Bakurmi yelled to Serenity.

Tea walked up to the evil person and asked straight to his face, "What do you live for?"

"To kill, haunt, slay, burn, and torture my measly black guts out," Bakurmi answered with ease.

"I'm serious! What do you, Yami Bakurmi, have at the end of the day? TELL ME! TELL ME!" Tea roared in his face.

For once, the color drained from Yami Bakurmi's tan face. He took off Yami's puzzle and turned back to evil Bakura.

"GO HOME!" Tea said, "NOW!"

Yami Bakura turned tail and ran, just as Yugi retrieved his puzzle from the angry Tea.

"Thanks Tea," Yugi said gratefully as they watched Yami Bakura run through the evening.

"Ha-ha-ha," Tea said quietly, turning around to face Yugi. She put on the puzzle and turned evil. "From now on, I shall be known as Yami Garner Teak!" Then she grinned evilly, turned back around, and blew up a street in front of the running Yami Bakura.

"You wish to battle me?" He said in his evil voice.

"Just try to beat me!" Yami Garner Teak's blue and purple eyes flashed sparks.

"You shall die now!" Bakura yelled, raising his white hands.

"YOOOUUU DEEESSSTROOOOYEEEED PIIIIIZZZZZAAAAAA!" A blue flashed jumped onto Bakura and attacked him!

"Get off me! You little parasite," Bakura hissed, trying to throw the bluish thing off.

"NOOOOOOO-THHHHEEE-PIIIIZZZZAAAA!" It was Mokuba!

It took Joey, Tristan, Duke, and Mai to pull the insane Mokuba off of the shocked Bakura, and all of them plus Yugi and Serenity to hold him down!

Yami Garner Teak, meanwhile, turned to Yami Bakura, but he was gone!

"Please Tea, give me my puzzle," Yugi pleaded, trying to hold the struggling Mokuba down at the same time.

Tea, all of a sudden, turned back to normal and gave the puzzle back to Yugi.

"I'll never hold another Millennium Item again," she sobbed.

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**TBC... **


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